The Final Journey...

Condascending Lazy Syndrome

noreply@blogger.com (Ben李) — Sun, 29 Apr 2007 13:29:00 +0000

"You'll Come to learn a great deal if you the study the insignificant in depth."

Well people, it seems that this post was a long time coming; or rather I took a long time coming to this post. Either way my last post is quite a different story to life right now. As with most of my school counterparts battling away at the HSbloodyC, we have all been studying hard. Hard is loosely used here as tonight I successfully wasted a night realising what an idiot I am and watching the TV. I'm not sure if I'm ready to call Hiatus just as of yet but I'm sure its on its way in the near distant provocative future. Either that or you just won't see me posting, quite like the last two months. Holidays I must say were enjoyable but definately not enough work done. A growing trend maybe? Let's hope not. Wish me luck if you have any to spare because I need all that I can get. Cheers and forgive my laziness.

Happy Valentines Day

noreply@blogger.com (Ben李) — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 11:43:00 +0000

'Love, like a river, will cut a new path whenever it meets an obstacle.'

Yes, the great few words that have rung through the air today, Happy Valentines Day. It's funny how an event like this can be so commercially attached. Roses take a nice hike in price and so do the lovely delicacies of chocolate and the likes. It's become what some like to call a Hallmark event; after the cards who have dominated the industry in this area. Nevertheless it does provide some sort of enjoyment.
For the supposed history of this whole event I suggest you click the link that says "Jess and Sarz" to the right of the page. For those who really don't care, just accept that this is one day that can act as an excuse, as an occasion, as an escape or even just something special for people and should be kept that way. Couples go have your fun and singles go find that other that will make the equation "1+1=one" true. I must express my biggest Happy Valentines Day to my secret lover Rob. I love you man.

14/02/07 ♡傻豬 =)

Temporarily unhinged.

noreply@blogger.com (Ben李) — Sat, 10 Feb 2007 13:15:00 +0000

"The Moment of victory is much too short to live for and nothing else."

Well then. It's been more than a month since my last post and frankly too much has happened for me to summarise it all. Blame the lack of incentive or just plain laziness but blogging hasn't been on my priorities list and I guess I knew this would happen sooner or later. I'm the type of person who tends to start things that I can never finish. I guess it's time for me to finish those things though. Work just seems to come endlessly, like time it ticks away every moment adding more to the continuum if existence. Sometimes I wish it was just over.

Stuff has happened between my last blog and now. More memorable bits and pieces include going to China and having a bit of fun. It doesn't matter now and that frightens me. School has taken over everyone and it seems everyones on edge, especially me. I hate this system and frankly it disgusts me we are subject to it. Hah! Get it? Subject- subjects at school? I told you I was going crazy. I think it's time we get over our social bullshit and get along with our lives especially with the HSC and all. Noones going to listen to what I just typed (that's cause they're gonna read it but thats hardly the point) but lets relax a bit and do a bit of study. (How hypocritical of me)

How depressing am I? I'm just considering the thousands of kids who are going through this year with me and being freaked out everyday. I'm aiming this largely at a specific group of people who I care about, lets get on with it shall we?

To infinity and beyond!

Happy New HSC!!!!!! WOO!

noreply@blogger.com (Ben李) — Mon, 01 Jan 2007 12:50:00 +0000

'A New Year can bring with it the joys of life while reminding us of fear and suffering...'

I meant Happy New Year, I swear... Anyways, it seems I really outdid myself this time and forgot this thing...ergh...blog completely. I'm not proud of the fact that the time I could have spent typing up my daily rant and happenings was spent on television. Or rather, watching Asian Series on my laptop (no fob comments please). In fact I have practically ignored my daily activities for these series...quite depressing.

It doesn't matter, what's important is that I'm here now and I hope everyone a Happy 2007 HSC year, for those who are doing it at least. I haven't been doing a considerable amount lately except for what I mentioned above which should not be mentioned again. Chatswood has appeared to be my second home with the amount of time I've been spending there although I've heard that the prices for houses over there are skyrocketing. Work, not study work but actual work, has been taking over my time. To cut a long story extremely short, so far if I haven't been in Chatswood then I'm at home either watching my dramas or eating, drinking, sleeping etc. you get the picture. Every other time I've been working my ass off at my restaurant, it seems I've become an integral part of everything running smoothly there, talk about pressure.

So what else do I have to say? Nothing. But Happy New Year, study hard while enjoying the rest of your holidays and don't watch too much dramas.

P.S. Much thanks to all those people whose time and fun (does that make sense to anyone?) I shared with on NYE, thankyou for making it that much better than all those other years.

That's what they're there for.

noreply@blogger.com (Ben李) — Sat, 09 Dec 2006 11:44:00 +0000

'A friend in need, is a friend indeed.'

Its been an interesting couple of days and frankly I'm tired, stressed and annoyed even though the holidays are upon me. Today, I freaked, like literally just freaked. I dropped everything I was doing and just walked away. There was a reason for this but family problems are so cliche. So I ended up at Chatswood in the middle of the night with Conrad who I can only give my sincerest thanks to for being there when I called him. It's hard to find a friend like that. I owe you big time.

It seems I've been neglecting this blog yet again. It's been more than a week since I last blogged and not much has changed really. It's holidays, I have countless hours of study to look forward to as well as a 12 day trip to China. 7 weeks of pure bliss really /sarcasm. Whatever awaits me I'm sure it'll be better than school and a lot less stressful.

Considering the state of affairs at the moment I must say that it seems people are a lot more on edge lately. Must be the assessments. All I can say is calm down, chill out and possible have a nice freak like me. Punch a wall if need be but I strongly recommend punching a couch or even a puppy (just kidding). I think we all need one of those Fukitol pills.

On a lighter note, I have been 'tigged' by Rob and I have no idea what to do, am I supposed to start running now? Or am I supposed to stay still till someone crawls under me? Stupidity at its best.

Neglect but not abuse.

noreply@blogger.com (Ben李) — Tue, 28 Nov 2006 11:13:00 +0000

'Life is a struggle, but not a warfare'

Well its not warfare yet at least. I have been neglecting this blog as of recent and it comes as a mixture of stress, lack of sleep and a pile of work. Not to mention the assessments. It's funny,the year isn't over and we've already started to set our futures up, we're doing a part of our HSC already, after a few weeks of brief but hardcore learning. It really concerns me that we have to consistently perform for the next year, its like going up a 88 degree hill or whatever that is in radians. Frankly I'm tired and need a holiday and its just around the corner. Peace and comfort at last, well at least for the time being.

There's nothing left to say but goodbye.

noreply@blogger.com (Ben李) — Mon, 20 Nov 2006 11:34:00 +0000

'They say friendship can cross galaxies and universes...'

Well this blog is dedicated to a, shall we say, friend of a friend of mine. Her name is Annie, don't know her last name or anything else much about her for that matter. What matters is that she's Daisy's friend and apparently she reads my blog. So to one of my few fellow readers, I salute you and wish you a great trip back to China. I wish I could do that but I'm stuck here so I guess in a way I envy you. I have never met you properly or even talked to you so it seems weird to be blogging like this but it's not like my life is any more interesting than a friend of a friend of mine leaving the country for bigger and possibly better things. I can say this though, you sound like a girl who anyone would like to be around, who anyone would like to talk to and certainly a girl who smiles a lot. So best of luck to wherever you'll be and think of it this way, at least there's no HSC for you now. Goodbye to one of my few readers! *waves*

The following content has content.

noreply@blogger.com (Ben李) — Wed, 15 Nov 2006 11:09:00 +0000

'If you believe everything you read, better not read at all...'

I know I haven't been the best of bloggers but to be fair I never thought it'd be this hard to blog. I'm not sure there are much readers out there but to those few who do read my blog I apologise for not having the patience or time to make my rants. Work has caught up with me of late and I finally realise why everyone told me not to worry when I was younger. It all just comes rushing in now, like the waves at high tide. I'm not really complaining, it's something we all have to put up with, all have to experience and hopefully all get past.

Today was a day I really had to blog on as it was the last day of the HSC for '06. Hope everyone did well and that you all get the marks you want. I guess it's a bit optimistic for everyone to get the mark they want. With the system set out to the standard it is now, getting closer to the end is just that much harder. Some people do fall while others find hope; it's the way the world works.

It sounds different coming from me, to those who know me, and it certainly comes as a change for me but I think it's something important. For once in my life I think I'm happy. Maybe not like overjoyed or anything but rather content with life. It really just hit me when I was leaving school at 12:30 today with no lessons in the afternoon. I really have nothing to be sad about or really nothing to bring me down. I've been through quite a bit in my life and it's like now it just doesn't matter. Funny thing what the HSC does to you. It's like an anvil to the head, except you're just not quite dead. Feels strange, just get that feeling that everything's going to be alright, maybe. I guess I'm not the greatest blogger so to you my reader, thankyou for reading and I'll make sure I update this regularly. I think Rob should too, that Won video looks nice but we need to know whats going on with you =). Don't stress Rob.

Been going to the library alot with Conrad lately. So a little shoutout to him for studying with me and putting up with my crap when he's trying to study. It's always better to study with others than alone I think. Good luck as well man, you know what I mean.

My Get Well Blog.

noreply@blogger.com (Ben李) — Mon, 06 Nov 2006 09:30:00 +0000

'Life is a sexually transmitted disease'

Well usually in such a time and place I would be blogging about how my birthday was or what great meaning I gathered from school. Rather, this blog is dedicated to a friend whose Company I have enjoyed for a while now. His name is Alistair Wilson and for those who don't know him he's a guy in year 12 SGS. Today, I, along with the rest of my grade learnt that he has been diagnosed with cancer. Dictionary.com defines cancer as a malignant and invasive growth or tumor, esp. one originating in epithelium, tending to recur after excision and to metastasize to other sites. Whatever cancer really is, most of us by now know what it does or could potentially do. So what happens in moments like these? Usually what I would try to do is make some poetic line and make this sound a bit more formal, but situations like this call for something different.

My friends and I affectionately know Alistair as "Stair-bear" for characteristics that are known to us. He's a quiet type of guy and always there to talk to at lunch. I'm could go cliche here and describe how much he means to me as a friend or rather I could just say Get Well man, we still need you at the parties so that we can rely on you to entertain us when its all going downhill and at school so that there's always someone to talk to. It just doesn't seem fair, just a few weeks ago we were bitching about exams together and now it's this. We know you'll pull through this and when you come back we'll make sure there's a party. For now rest easy and get well ASAP.

17 Years Since The Beginning.

noreply@blogger.com (Ben李) — Sat, 04 Nov 2006 13:12:00 +0000

'Watch the time go right out the window...'

Well, to those of you who didn't know, I turn 17 at whatever time I was born 17 years ago. What does this mean? Well for one, 17 years of my life has just...shall we say breezed passed. I can't get much more poetic than that. So from birth till now, a period of 17 years of ups and downs, verticals and horizontals, lefts and rights, fluctuations and recessions have simmered through..."like sand in the hour glass."

So what do I have to look forward to on such a joyous and festive occasion? In the past I would've enjoyed a simple party; with all the music, the laughter, the fun, the games and my god the fairy bread. Oh how I miss the delights of such beautiful creations of food. I wouldn't mind some now. But away from the puffy bread with the sweet sweet candy and butter on top, more to the point, birthdays just don't come in such a package anymore. I'm not complaining, just really reminiscing on the good ol' days and realising its all gone now. I just hope between now and next year, there's not as many regrets, not as many hopes but rather some memories.

生日快樂... 我對自己說...

A Pre-Summer's Night's Dream.

noreply@blogger.com (Ben李) — Wed, 01 Nov 2006 11:32:00 +0000

'Focus on the Journey, Not the destination'

You know those nights where its perfectly still? I think tonight was one of those nights. The sun was setting later than usual and there was a scent of a breeze in the air. Nothing too hot, nothing too humid just a touch of paradise. I guess there's still a bit of calm left but the storms going to be here soon nevertheless.

Got my new timetable and you'd think here was a typing error, or maybe some fatal 404 linkage error. But no, the school's computer system had not failed in its duty and the ones responsibly for it did not have a hangover while writing my timetable. I have what is known to the senior high school world as Free Periods. Those two words are probably the most beautiful when put together no matter what word order it's placed in. I have 9 free periods every 6 days. Even the little touch of paradise in the night sky could not match the feeling of ease that comes with such a timetable. To be fair, I do have morning classes, but why focus on the negatives when there's such a big positive there. (I'm still a pessimist, just not when it comes to free periods)

So while I'm on the subject of...well...subjects, my units are 4 Maths, 3 English, 3 History and 2 Economics. 4 subjects, 12 units and whole lot of frees. Whether its a sign for me to work more during these periods or just a bit of refreshment for my studious attitude over the years /sarcasm it feels good. Lets go forth class of '07 and show what the best year 12 can do.

The Calm before the Storm.

noreply@blogger.com (Ben李) — Tue, 31 Oct 2006 13:10:00 +0000

'An implacable force brooding over an inscrutable intention...'

Well HSC year starts in a few hours and as the wee hours of the night fly by, I sit here contemplating my subject choices. You see, choosing subjects is never that easy, I made the easy mistakes of choosing unnecessary and unwholesome subjects during my few years in high school, the biggest mistakes being the 4 years of French I had to endure and the other various languages I picked up and dropped along the way, kind of like a prostitute or you could totally ignore that analogy. Either way, I think I've finally come to a year where its really no regrets in subject choices. I've chosen subjects which genuinely interest me to a certain degree and are what I seem to do well in, most of the time at least.

So indeed year 12 is upon and as I shiver here, unnerved by the prospects of a year where I will have to work, theres finally that light at the end of the tunnel. That could just be a premature death but I guess its all just coming to an end. Not even the Gods themselves could stop me gettin closer to the light now. It's inevitable.

The Rest of my life. Not.

noreply@blogger.com (Ben李) — Sun, 29 Oct 2006 11:31:00 +0000

'Never Take Life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyways.'

Well its certainly been a hectic and testing couple of days. School starts again tomorrow and I feel thoroughly refreshed from my four day weekend and ready to take on year 12. Yesterday was quite the interesting day and although its probably best not to judge or vent at this point, it was a day of absolute epic proportions. No it wasn't a life changing experience, it wasn't something that would affect how I see things (although that was the purpose of the day) it was rather a waste of a perfectly good free day.

You see, on a great spring morning, a Saturday to be precise, I was under the illusion that I was going to a Business course. Got up early because apparently I had "register" for the whole thing and then all would just follow through. How wrong could I have been.

What the so called "business" course turned out to be was one of those "Plan Your Life" courses by which you look at the outcomes and goals of your life and change them so that you live life to the optimum. You have no idea how annoyed and frustrated I was at that point in time. I learnt that my Mum had paid $60 for the seminar as well and this only served to further annoy the living daylights out of me. To be fair I hadn't had enough sleep and I wasn't in the best of moods but FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, I spent EIGHT hours of my life listening to absolute crap about how life should be planned.

Which brings me to this. Why in the WORLD would you want to plan your life? Isn't the mystery and journey of life the things that make it that more interesting? That little bit more exciting? Hell, you may lose some trust, form some regrets but everyone has those. Why be different? Why is it so necessary for me to set such absurd goals to work towards and seemingly force myself towards it. A major line that came out of the course was "Do not feel you Have to do it, actually Want it." How are we supposed to do that? I'm in High school, I'm about to do the HSC in a year or so, I have a life with its ups and most certainly its downs and I'm supposed to decide what I WANT? What I decide for myself? Call me stupid, call me an idiot, call me a sour grape for all I care, but this is the REASON I am a pessimist when it comes to hopes and dreams. My philosophy (and I'm not trying to force this on anyone) is that I always expect the worst. If it ends up being bad, then so be it, I didn't elevate myself up to such expectations and hence did not have the momentum to crash and burn. It turns out good, a prospect worthwhile to my day, to my life even, then its a bonus: a happy moment. I fail to see the benefits, the personal and mental enhancements that can come out of a course that teaches you how to plan your life. For me it's riding along and taking what comes, if I want something then naturally I'll work towards it. But planning? Intuitively deciding how I should live the next 15 years of my life? Thats pathetic.

I'm probably so disgusted by the whole process because of the time wasted and money wasted for that matter. It just shocks me that people hold so much belief, I guess sometimes its the only thing they have. I shudder at the thought of those who have crashed and burned that much harder and that much stronger due to such useless courses such as this. So much for learning about Business. The only thing I learnt was that some people can make money by teaching crap like that. Big thanks to Sarz for helping me get through the whole thing with her messages and the long phonecall. Thanks heaps Mahjong, retarded and infected princess, meant a lot to me.

The only thing I'm "planning" for is to do the HSC; study and a bit of fun in the process. It's simple and I don't have to set it out as if its a railroad to success which it most certainly isn't. Sometimes life should have its goals, but whats the fun in forcing yourself onto a path, whats the fun in that?

On another sour note, had 4U tution today and I'm scared. It's actually quite...well you'll find out when you do it or when someone starts bitching to you about it, might even be me doing it.

The Modern Gothic?

noreply@blogger.com (Ben李) — Mon, 23 Oct 2006 11:38:00 +0000

'Remember, that I am thy creature; I ought to be thy Adam but i am rather the fallen angel...'

I am not going emo if that's what you're thinking. In fact it was a quote in my studies of the amazing Gothic Genre before the actual exam this morning. I am glad, no, exhillarous that the exam is over but it really got me thinking as to many things in our own society. Such is the age old question of "what is ethical and what is not." It may be a far cry to consider the ethics of our own modern society wihtin the questionable realms of the scientific world, but what do we percieve as ethical?

In my 2 hour exam today, I wrote how the Gothic features of a text enhance its contextual concerns by which the author expresses throughout the course of the composed novel or film. I am not including any gothic features into this post, although the night is quite dark and eerie and the shadows in the hallway have a striking resemblance to that of a creepy abomination, there are concerns which...well concern me.

Is Frankenstein really any different to the scientists today? Working on the stem cell research or creating "Dolly the sheep." One may be fiction and the other(s) reality but in terms of ethics, knowledge and the great philantropic desire to stop disease in the human frame, are they at all any different? Playing God doesn't seem like much of a game to me, maybe its the fact that I don't quite believe in the guy (please don't say blasphemy) but to scientists its in their everyday research. So what is Ethical? and really...what's not? What will the world be like in a decade? A century? A millenium? When the scientific researchers of today have pushed passed the boundaries of yesterday to move into the tomorrow of human existance. It puzzles me to believe that we won't be better off, or worse off when such a time comes. Are we doing the right thing in contemplating the cheating of death or is it necessary to face the fear of death. I mean after all, think of the sheep. Bah.

I'm just glad I don't want to become a scientist, or a researcher, or even a doctor. I wouldn't count myself to be the stable type to handle a needle, or even a cotton ball. You won't know where that could end up in my hands. It's a question for those looking into the future with some humility within them to contemplate the ethics of life itself.

On a brighter note, I only have physics left and cannot stress the amount of relief I'm feeling right now that 85.714285714285714285714285714286% of my exams have been completed and that I can rest a bit easier after.

P.S. Watching House for about 2 hours on youtube probably made me do such a post but nevertheless its worthwhile

Crash, Burn....and No computer...

noreply@blogger.com (Ben李) — Sat, 21 Oct 2006 13:34:00 +0000

'Houston...we have a problem.'

Well, at exactly 8:04 pm the power in my house decided to die on me ("The Horror, The Horror")...no it wasn't a blackout but rather it was a power surge. Rather ironic due to the fact that I hardly had anything on in my house but nevertheless I ended up having no electricity but the lights. So for 3 hours I did everything I could possibly do without actually using electricity, well I did use the lights and then my mp3 but thats beside the point. The point is, I saw how dependant I was on my computer and the TV for my source of procrastination and entertainment. This knowledge didn't quite enlighten me nor did it bring me down, it was simply a passing thought. So for three hours I actually did a bit of study, "a bit" being the key term there.

Well that's my interesting ramble for the night, I believe I have succeeded in nothing today except that the fact that I know now just how much this computer and the TV means to me. I could hug it right now.

So begins the end...

noreply@blogger.com (Ben李) — Thu, 19 Oct 2006 14:17:00 +0000

Hi. This blog was created for my final year of the HSC. For those of you who don't know what it is, look it up on wikipedia. For those who do, this year is the last year of my high school life. Its been a journey (and yes journeys will be part of my HSC) and for now its something I've dealt with. 4 years 3 terms and 5 days have passed since I first started High School at Sydney Grammar School and now I have exactly one year before it all ends. So this blog is here to recogise all that. It's a big year and memories come and go, but they can always be recorded. This blog begins on the 20th of October 2006, where the Class of '06 have starterd their respective HSC. No doubt they have already faced all the hardships leading up to the peak of their existence so far. The exams are only the resolution, the end to all that you have worked for.

So now begins a period of my life where I don't look back at all that I've done. It's where I look towards the future, not just the HSC, thats only the beginning. I look towards the rest of my life, where for the rest of it I will not have to deal with the idea of High School. So, in a way, its something to cherish, something to forget and something to live out all at the same time.

I work here from my computer where procrastination is the key to all success, the success of avoiding any study. For now however, study is a priority. Exams have started for the end of year 11 and so will begin my year 12 journey shortly. The intent was to pass all of my exams with flying colours but intent and hope has never served me well. The following year however, is my choice to follow. How I deal with such relative study is my own decision, my own choice.

The year of the HSC has begun, and soon enough it will end, this is just the story in between.