Sunday, October 29, 2006

The Rest of my life. Not.



'Never Take Life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyways.'



Well its certainly been a hectic and testing couple of days. School starts again tomorrow and I feel thoroughly refreshed from my four day weekend and ready to take on year 12. Yesterday was quite the interesting day and although its probably best not to judge or vent at this point, it was a day of absolute epic proportions. No it wasn't a life changing experience, it wasn't something that would affect how I see things (although that was the purpose of the day) it was rather a waste of a perfectly good free day.

You see, on a great spring morning, a Saturday to be precise, I was under the illusion that I was going to a Business course. Got up early because apparently I had "register" for the whole thing and then all would just follow through. How wrong could I have been.

What the so called "business" course turned out to be was one of those "Plan Your Life" courses by which you look at the outcomes and goals of your life and change them so that you live life to the optimum. You have no idea how annoyed and frustrated I was at that point in time. I learnt that my Mum had paid $60 for the seminar as well and this only served to further annoy the living daylights out of me. To be fair I hadn't had enough sleep and I wasn't in the best of moods but FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, I spent EIGHT hours of my life listening to absolute crap about how life should be planned.

Which brings me to this. Why in the WORLD would you want to plan your life? Isn't the mystery and journey of life the things that make it that more interesting? That little bit more exciting? Hell, you may lose some trust, form some regrets but everyone has those. Why be different? Why is it so necessary for me to set such absurd goals to work towards and seemingly force myself towards it. A major line that came out of the course was "Do not feel you Have to do it, actually Want it." How are we supposed to do that? I'm in High school, I'm about to do the HSC in a year or so, I have a life with its ups and most certainly its downs and I'm supposed to decide what I WANT? What I decide for myself? Call me stupid, call me an idiot, call me a sour grape for all I care, but this is the REASON I am a pessimist when it comes to hopes and dreams. My philosophy (and I'm not trying to force this on anyone) is that I always expect the worst. If it ends up being bad, then so be it, I didn't elevate myself up to such expectations and hence did not have the momentum to crash and burn. It turns out good, a prospect worthwhile to my day, to my life even, then its a bonus: a happy moment. I fail to see the benefits, the personal and mental enhancements that can come out of a course that teaches you how to plan your life. For me it's riding along and taking what comes, if I want something then naturally I'll work towards it. But planning? Intuitively deciding how I should live the next 15 years of my life? Thats pathetic.

I'm probably so disgusted by the whole process because of the time wasted and money wasted for that matter. It just shocks me that people hold so much belief, I guess sometimes its the only thing they have. I shudder at the thought of those who have crashed and burned that much harder and that much stronger due to such useless courses such as this. So much for learning about Business. The only thing I learnt was that some people can make money by teaching crap like that. Big thanks to Sarz for helping me get through the whole thing with her messages and the long phonecall. Thanks heaps Mahjong, retarded and infected princess, meant a lot to me.

The only thing I'm "planning" for is to do the HSC; study and a bit of fun in the process. It's simple and I don't have to set it out as if its a railroad to success which it most certainly isn't. Sometimes life should have its goals, but whats the fun in forcing yourself onto a path, whats the fun in that?

On another sour note, had 4U tution today and I'm scared. It's actually quite...well you'll find out when you do it or when someone starts bitching to you about it, might even be me doing it.

posted by Ben李 @ 10:31 pm Comments: 1

Monday, October 23, 2006

The Modern Gothic?

'Remember, that I am thy creature; I ought to be thy Adam but i am rather the fallen angel...'

I am not going emo if that's what you're thinking. In fact it was a quote in my studies of the amazing Gothic Genre before the actual exam this morning. I am glad, no, exhillarous that the exam is over but it really got me thinking as to many things in our own society. Such is the age old question of "what is ethical and what is not." It may be a far cry to consider the ethics of our own modern society wihtin the questionable realms of the scientific world, but what do we percieve as ethical?

In my 2 hour exam today, I wrote how the Gothic features of a text enhance its contextual concerns by which the author expresses throughout the course of the composed novel or film. I am not including any gothic features into this post, although the night is quite dark and eerie and the shadows in the hallway have a striking resemblance to that of a creepy abomination, there are concerns which...well concern me.

Is Frankenstein really any different to the scientists today? Working on the stem cell research or creating "Dolly the sheep." One may be fiction and the other(s) reality but in terms of ethics, knowledge and the great philantropic desire to stop disease in the human frame, are they at all any different? Playing God doesn't seem like much of a game to me, maybe its the fact that I don't quite believe in the guy (please don't say blasphemy) but to scientists its in their everyday research. So what is Ethical? and really...what's not? What will the world be like in a decade? A century? A millenium? When the scientific researchers of today have pushed passed the boundaries of yesterday to move into the tomorrow of human existance. It puzzles me to believe that we won't be better off, or worse off when such a time comes. Are we doing the right thing in contemplating the cheating of death or is it necessary to face the fear of death. I mean after all, think of the sheep. Bah.


I'm just glad I don't want to become a scientist, or a researcher, or even a doctor. I wouldn't count myself to be the stable type to handle a needle, or even a cotton ball. You won't know where that could end up in my hands. It's a question for those looking into the future with some humility within them to contemplate the ethics of life itself.


On a brighter note, I only have physics left and cannot stress the amount of relief I'm feeling right now that 85.714285714285714285714285714286% of my exams have been completed and that I can rest a bit easier after.

P.S. Watching House for about 2 hours on youtube probably made me do such a post but nevertheless its worthwhile

posted by Ben李 @ 9:38 pm Comments: 1

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Crash, Burn....and No computer...

'Houston...we have a problem.'


Well, at exactly 8:04 pm the power in my house decided to die on me ("The Horror, The Horror")...no it wasn't a blackout but rather it was a power surge. Rather ironic due to the fact that I hardly had anything on in my house but nevertheless I ended up having no electricity but the lights. So for 3 hours I did everything I could possibly do without actually using electricity, well I did use the lights and then my mp3 but thats beside the point. The point is, I saw how dependant I was on my computer and the TV for my source of procrastination and entertainment. This knowledge didn't quite enlighten me nor did it bring me down, it was simply a passing thought. So for three hours I actually did a bit of study, "a bit" being the key term there.

Well that's my interesting ramble for the night, I believe I have succeeded in nothing today except that the fact that I know now just how much this computer and the TV means to me. I could hug it right now.

posted by Ben李 @ 11:34 pm Comments: 4

Friday, October 20, 2006

So begins the end...

Hi. This blog was created for my final year of the HSC. For those of you who don't know what it is, look it up on wikipedia. For those who do, this year is the last year of my high school life. Its been a journey (and yes journeys will be part of my HSC) and for now its something I've dealt with. 4 years 3 terms and 5 days have passed since I first started High School at Sydney Grammar School and now I have exactly one year before it all ends. So this blog is here to recogise all that. It's a big year and memories come and go, but they can always be recorded. This blog begins on the 20th of October 2006, where the Class of '06 have starterd their respective HSC. No doubt they have already faced all the hardships leading up to the peak of their existence so far. The exams are only the resolution, the end to all that you have worked for.

So now begins a period of my life where I don't look back at all that I've done. It's where I look towards the future, not just the HSC, thats only the beginning. I look towards the rest of my life, where for the rest of it I will not have to deal with the idea of High School. So, in a way, its something to cherish, something to forget and something to live out all at the same time.

I work here from my computer where procrastination is the key to all success, the success of avoiding any study. For now however, study is a priority. Exams have started for the end of year 11 and so will begin my year 12 journey shortly. The intent was to pass all of my exams with flying colours but intent and hope has never served me well. The following year however, is my choice to follow. How I deal with such relative study is my own decision, my own choice.

The year of the HSC has begun, and soon enough it will end, this is just the story in between.

posted by Ben李 @ 12:17 am Comments: 5